Why You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself: Understanding Your Nervous System Response
A new client recently said something I’ve heard many times before: “I feel like I should be further along by now. Like if I could just figure out what needs to be fixed, I’d finally feel okay.”
She had been doing all the “right” things—reading self-help books, journaling, meditating, practicing breathwork—but still felt like she was falling short. Her words reminded me of a time in my own life when I was stuck in that same loop: working harder, faster, deeper… just trying to feel better.
But the more I tried to fix myself, the more disconnected and anxious I became.
You’re Not Broken—You’re in a Trauma Response
What I didn’t realize back then (and what I now help clients discover) is this: I wasn’t healing—I was in a trauma response. My nervous system was stuck in survival mode.
It was telling me that if I just worked a little harder, did one more thing, became a little more perfect, I’d finally be safe. I’d finally be enough.
But healing doesn’t come from endlessly trying to improve ourselves. Sometimes, the drive to fix is actually a sign that our nervous system is overwhelmed and reaching for control.
When Self-Improvement Becomes Self-Protection
Self-growth is powerful. But when it’s fueled by urgency or fear—when it’s rooted in the belief that you are not enough as you are—it can become another way we disconnect from ourselves.
This kind of striving often comes with a hidden cost:
We measure our worth by our progress.
We fear stillness because it feels unsafe.
We chase the next breakthrough instead of building trust in what’s already here.
If you’ve felt like you’re on a treadmill of self-improvement with no finish line in sight, you’re not alone.
Three Ways to Shift the Pattern
Here are a few simple ways to begin stepping off the treadmill and back into connection with yourself:
Ask: What part of me is trying to be fixed right now? Gently noticing what part of you feels unseen, unworthy, or afraid can bring softness and insight. You might be surprised what that part needs from you.
Recall moments of strength. Instead of only focusing on what’s wrong, remember a recent moment—however small—when you felt calm, connected, or creative. Let yourself feel that again, right now.
Practice 30 seconds of presence. Let your feet touch the floor. Notice your breath. You don’t have to change anything. Just be with yourself, without needing to fix or improve.
Coming Home to Yourself
You don’t need another fix. You need a return to yourself.
Through somatic work, we gently unravel the belief that you must earn your worth or “do more” to be okay. Instead, we help your nervous system remember what it feels like to be safe, whole, and enough—right here.
You are not broken. You are not behind. You are already worthy of rest, connection, and ease.
Let’s stop trying to fix what was never broken—and start remembering what it means to come home to yourself.
About the Author
Shai Maxine is a trained somatic practitioner specializing in helping people navigate stress, chronic pain, and emotional overwhelm. With years of experience guiding clients toward greater ease and connection, Shai offers practical tools rooted in somatic awareness and mindfulness. When not working, Shai enjoys hiking, cooking, creating art, and petting as many dogs as she can. Follow along on instagram @shai.maxine
